Wednesday, January 16, 2008

American Idol Brain Leakage

I got forced into watching the new American Idol last night. "Forced" is perhaps too strong a word, how about, "honey persuaded". As in, "Honey, you need to come in here and watch this.". Please note that "need" out of your loving fiancee's mouth isn't just a suggestion but a subtle prod to action with consequences for failure.

I can't ignore it, no matter how badly I'm trying to level up my level 62 hunter.

I'm not a fan of American Idol. Sorry, I just don't get drawn up into the whole celebrity fame thing. And I dislike it for another reason.

Have you ever sat and watch someone do something so stupid, embarassing or both and you felt embarassed too by witness association? Painful, cringing embarassment that you cannot stand to be watching what you are seeing for one moment longer and need to escape?

I do. It's why I avoid stuff like this.

Admittedly, it had its good parts. There are, in fact, a few decent singers with potential out there that this show does find. Alas, it requires the panel to troll through the thousands of dregs who can not sing.

Now, I'm no authority here. I have as much musical talent as a three-finger baboon playing a flute. I can appreciate good music and I certainly enjoy listening to a variety of it but I am no expert. The few attempts I've made at playing it were mechanical at best. I've never developed an inherent talent for music the way I have for other subjects.

That being said, I am not tone-deaf. When the dog's hackles rise on his back as some wannabe hopeful reaches for a high note but succeeds in replicating the sound of nails across a blackboard, I can state with some firmness that they probably aren't moving on to the next round.

The shock of it all is that these people actually believe they are good singers!

Now, some do go on the show for their 15 seconds of nutty fame. No problem with that. If you want to make a fool of yourself on national television, be my guest. The segment I am talking about are those who honestly believe they can sing. They've never done it as a child, never pursued any musical desires as a teen or adult, never warbled a single note to an audience and believed Mom that their gravel basitone incomprehensible mumbling was the next Pavarotti in the making. Not that our mothers would ever lie to us rather than shatter our fragile egos in a world of puppies and unicorns.

Seriously, how self-deluded do you have to be to go on this show to sing? Haven't these people ever listened to themselves?

Folks, ask a friend for their opinion. A good friend, not some kiss-up sycophant. A Mommy substitute is not what you need here. Better yet, if you are contemplating trying out for this show, seek out a music teacher and get their opinion. It might be the best $50 you've ever spend. Hell, some teachers will give you that first (and hopefully final) lesson for free. Avail yourself of that opportunity.

Get a honest assessment. Trust me, you'll be doing yourself and me a favor. As well as the rest of the country. The whole value system that American Idol caters to is messed up already. There is no point in feeding further into by making yourself look like a jack-ass in front of the entire country.

If small animals whimper whenever you sing, you're not a candidate for American Idol.

If you sing in monotone broken Engrish, you are not a candidate for American Idol. There can be only one William Hung and history doesn't repeat itself in this fashion. He got lucky. You won't.

If your friends plug their ears to prevent their brain from leaking out at your latest rendition of "Amazing Grace", you are not a candidate for American Idol.

You might be the sweetest, most wonderful, family supporting, gentle, motivated and loving person in the world.

But you can not sing.

Spare me and you the embarassment. Please.

Alas, the country disagrees with me. American Idol is the new circus for the 21st century.

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